I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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