I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Randomize
