I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
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