he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Randomize
