I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Randomize
