Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Randomize
