you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Randomize
