I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Randomize
