so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
