Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
Randomize
