last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
