i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
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