I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Randomize
