For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
