You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize
