Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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