She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
