Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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