Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
