im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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