i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Randomize
