I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I'm eating all of the evidence.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize
