I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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