Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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