Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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