it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Randomize
