xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
