he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Randomize
