Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
