I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
my poor anus
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Randomize
