you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
