TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
