$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Randomize
