I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Randomize
