isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
