he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
