Having a random hookup so left but love u
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
