My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
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