wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
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