somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Someone shattered a urinal.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
me + whiskey = a bad person
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
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