hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
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