yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Randomize
