i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
