nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
He had one of those small greek statue penises
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
