i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
