i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
we're chasing vodka with high fives
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
