nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
