In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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