so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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