Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
