apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
They are going to name an STD after you.
My ass is underappreciated
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Randomize
